| 30 weeks ago |
[Sep. 7th, 2007|01:12 am] |
that when i last came to this site and updated. ha.
im real confused about EVERYTHING.
my friends keep me going. |
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| i need a soft drink. |
[Feb. 5th, 2007|02:32 am] |
i need alot of things right now. i def need to know the bonnaroo line up this instant and i need to know that my brother is ok and i need to know that i will be ok and i will grow up real fast.
havent typed in this thing in forever. its because i work and i work and i love it. i live in knoxville and i love it. i need to decide on school and i hate that. i need to decide what to do in may cause thats when my lease runs up and i hate that.
im starting to make more and more music everyday.....i got a keyboard for christmas and allso i got a sewing machine i have yet to get out of the box.......im working on scetching some stuff first.
there are no boys in my life, wich sucks. but my friends are so amaizing and i love them alot.
ok thats it for now. |
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| its hard these days |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|12:01 am] |
going out on my own could have possibly have been the worst desicion in my life.
o well we all make mistakes........thousands of dollars worth.
i really want to leave so hard.
i want to leave tennessee
i want to leave my problems
i want to find somethign i really love to do
i want my boyfreind to finish high school so we can get on with our relationship
i want a new job that pays more
i want to be happier than i am
i want to beable to talk to people
i want my family to be happy
i want my life to fall right in to place
i think its trying but its not happening
i need a vacation. |
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| empty |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|11:43 pm] |
so i have moved to knoxville
not what i wanted it to be
but fun
i miss being in high school
remembering those days makes me sad
looking to further my education makes me sadder
i need help/money/modivation
and i have none of the above
went to bonnaroo
went to warp tour....same ol same ol.
i now have 2 tattoos
and a wonderful boyfriend that i love more than anything right now
i am ok.
live sometime to me is a joke. |
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| sore throat suckas |
[May. 14th, 2006|11:48 pm] |
I have been in my new home for a week and 2 days. and maybe have had 7 hours asleep this whole week wich needs to change. I thought it would be a good change, im not saying its not. but its sure a CHANGE. i love it and the people. just where its located, in knoxville, wich im not used to all this traffic comeing from a small town like LC and driving there everyday is not what i call my favorite so if any one knows of a wonderful place that is looking for a wonderful girl to work...let me know. (D and D are high as hell) roommates are so my favortie!
I also have a wonderful boyfriend that i love way alot!
and im getting a new tattoo.....me and my brother are getting ones alike. that im designing.
so excited!
im thinking alot and missing this one person more than ever.
it hurts.
music is a big part of my life right now but the kids that are trying to be o so cool by dressing like me and being me can kiss my ass.
thats kinda a joke since every damn person looks the same these days.
whats a girl to do?
ok well im done.
im good.
hope all of you are well.
the ones that read this at least.
thanka |
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| im scared of death to live |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|06:53 pm] |
seeing things remind me of the days when you where here
a purple butterfly flew by me today and i couldnt help but think about you in that crazy purple dress on new years.
i miss you terribbly!
everything happens for a reason, right?!
then why in the fucking shit did this happen?! |
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| bear hugs |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|02:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  and O so sad | ] |
Its quite ironic that one weekend a friend could be giving you the best hug ever.
then the next could be asleep forever.
METHADONE-a drug that treats narcotic addiction and cronic pain thats longer lasting than morphine thats harder to quit than herion.
Took Brians life.
Fuck pills! I dont think it matters how hard you try how much time you take to tell kids to stop eating pills like candy or snorting them up there nose till it bleeds. They wont. This is something that needs to be taken care of. Im not to sure that people know how easy it is to get all these drugs now days. Im angry that there avalible. Im angry that people are so silly to mix pills and alcohol plus more pills. I hate doctors that perscribe them O so frequently. I hate seeing people so messed up they cant open there eyes. I hate that my friend died.
Do me a favor and dont get checked in to a methadone clinic for life.
damn it brian im going to miss you and Ill never find some one that gave as good of hugs as you. RIP.
I hope that wasnt mean.
Im at the point of coping with death when you become angry.
I really am so mad.
Im sorry.
<3
ps i need answers |
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| the last ones |
[Jan. 20th, 2006|03:41 am] |
life changes very quickly. I am going to have to start school very soon before i break down. im becoming more and more scared of life each day. i think my heart beats some what faster every hour. the only time i feel ok is when im asleep or around my so called friends. gees. im trying to do more of the things i want but then i just end up screwing something eles up. thats how life goes and i understand that. im happy but just very confused. i have to stop all my habbits i have gotten in to in the past year. there bad i want to stop. its so hard for me to come up with the strength of fighting peer pressure. or maybe thats just my excuse.
<3
seriously......im scared thats all. |
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| boyfriends are...... |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|08:11 pm] |
good. Im happy.
my friends are......
great. Im even happier.
<3 |
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| MUSIC = love |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|03:23 am] |
So yeah im not feeling so hot right now Im sick, working at a day care isnt going to make me better either. Soon I will be wonderful tho I am going to voodoo and theres only one reason for that ....the flaming lips + all the $ goes to help build newOrleans back then Im going to go see the blood brothers and coheed then im going to see bright eyes so things are looking up. Im still pissed that I missed the Decemberist show. Life goes on.......and its still going. But I still miss people alot! But I have made some amaizing new friends through music seriously music has brought me to meet the coolest people i will ever know and thanks to all the people who put there time in to music I love you!
<3 ape-rule |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|02:58 am] |
"Come little leaves said the wind one day, come out in the meadow with me and play, put on your dresses of yellow and gold, for the summers gone and the days grow cold.".....my Granny taught me that.
So things have been nice around here lately, actually I wish that was true its life tho. Things are all wonderful one week and the next week is shit. My job is quite a good one but O so stressful I miss people a whole lot and I need to start making new friends because the ones I have are almost non existent. But life by all means is going and its going ok I suppose. I have been listening to rap lately cause I have been riding in the car with my sister so Im going to leave you a line of a rap my friends..........."Hey girl go bananza shake your body like a belly danca!"
*outie* |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|12:45 am] |
"When some one gives you love try not to shit on it!"
<3 |
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| I can hear my heart beat in my ears |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|07:34 am] |
I dont think that i have ever been this sick in my whole life....ever! I had a great day yesturday and I was going to have a wonderful day today but thats when it all started I layed down to go to sleep and I started thinking .....I got a new job and I love it I work at a day care but then I started thinking of some of those kids......I new this would happen but I didnt think it was going to be so soon I wish I could help them more than I am obligated too I have only worked there for 2 days and I want to take some of those kids home with me and not let them go to there parents. The next thing I started to think about was that alot of my friends are leaving actually they have allready gone....well most of them. Then I started thinking about this one person in my life that I want to help but have tried and tried I think its getting better but I think its time for me to be stronger any ways Im still just laying there Im shaking casue Im so cold Im shaking casue Im nervous about meeting a new person and Im burping becasue Im breathing so fast and hard ...I want to throw up so badly!
im still laying there and now Im thinking its probley just a virus thats going around |
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| last time we spoke |
[Aug. 15th, 2005|02:16 am] |
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was a month ago and I was doing ok Im still doing ok. I applied for a job at a day care so I sure hope that goes through. I had a real good night tonight saw some kids that I love O so well and some I dont as much saw a really great band play there last show wich was superb. Things in the family arnt so great but when are they ever?......theres too many damn secrets everyone hides evrything its not how its supposed to be! I wrote another song the other day now i just need to learn how to play the guitar so I can sing them I want to so bad so as soon as i get this job and money thats my first purchase .......if there are any takers on teaching me then you should let me know. I am hooked on myspace as is everyone eles I dont know what its doing but its doing it to everyone. I have meet some real neat people on there then theres the poor goth kids ......Ok well I thought I would update since I havent in a while. Theres one more thing I am now spelling my name ApE-ruLe.......because Im a rapper. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|02:35 pm] |
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I am doing ok, just thought I would let you know. |
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| cool runnings |
[Jun. 20th, 2005|10:06 am] |
I havent up dated alot so I decided I would I am doing well this summer. I just finished watching cool runnings and I cried at the end of that movie and I have never done that before and I have seen it 20 times .......what a great movie! I enjoyed bonnaroo a whole lot def going to go back next year ...well if MTV dosent turn it in to gangsta style. I did things that were out of my league but wonderful. Its really hit me now that I will never return to high school and it feels real good. I have been going to sundown like every thursday and its good music...well sometime and other than that its a good place to see people you havent seen in awhile and it makes me real happy when I see people I lost touch with. I saw a few girls the other day and we were all together in one room and it made me so happy ......everyone was happy! I am leaving for Colorado thursday for 10 days I am super excited about that I have never been west of the mississippi. I will update one more time before I leave I suppose. I just want to say thanks for being friends with me and please dont ever forget to thank people and tell them how much they meen to you beacause I have discoverd this matters to people I have became well aware that I should be thankful for all I have and now I am. The lightning bugs did that to me I went and saw them agin this year and I layed there in the dark with the twinkles of the bugs and with many thoughts in my head it was peaceful and if you havent seen them you should before it gets to late or to crowded......it will change you.
time to paint |
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| Where'd all the good people go? |
[Jun. 4th, 2005|02:52 am] |
So i just typed a huge long update then decided not to post it. Im doing ok. There are just a lot of thoughts in my head and I really need to go to bed but instead I am being a great little sister and going to pick my brother up. so goodbye for now. <3 april |
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| poor upside down turtle |
[May. 25th, 2005|10:32 am] |
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So Im going to try to update, My life is changing and evryone around me is changing Im not quite sure if I will ever get used to it, but Im trying. We have all graduated well at least my senoir friends have o opps we arent senoirs anymore. I think the only thing I will miss truely would be theatre Im not sure I can live with out that, so i may do something with that later on in my life. And as for my friends Im going to see them all the time so no need to miss them. I have spent all most all my graduation money wich blows but it will be worth the spending becasue Im going to bonarroo yay! But i just found out that there is another festivle that same weekend and the pixies are going to be there and so is kid rock so its ok because he needs to die. My graduation money has been spent on gas mostlly, but the prices seem to keep coming down.I have been to the bluffs some this summer with Brandon, Oliver and Bruce (hes a dragqueen, and one of the coolest guys i have ever meet in my life)and the others. Saw some tots there too! I want to go today but its kinda cold this morning. My eyes are itching real bad and i have tan lines form my sandals.......what is this world coming to? Well goodbye for now <3 apirl |
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